SONG FOR A WINTER'S NIGHT

Disclaimer - Let's just be clear right from the get go - I don't proclaim  to be a great photographer.  And many times that frustrates me because I don't often "capture" something I see - as I see it.  At ANY rate...

So last night, after catching great JOY watching the 2014 Olympic coverage

 particularly skating JOY watching the women skate for their teams - I had the distinct pleasurable PITA experience of walking Miss Daisy at 11 o'clock at night in our icy cold, snowy yard.

Now before I go into that - please know - I have waited 12 years to watch Olympic ice skating with my daughter.  I was a rabid figure skating fan for YEARS back in the 80s and 90s. NOTHING got in my way of watching my skaters compete.  I remember being at a Valentines Day dance fundraiser in 1988 and it was the night of the Women's final skate at the '88 Olympics.  A) I refused to go unless there was a tv there and B) There was a tv there and I was a fixture in front of it;  Let me tell you, I was a magnet.  I had like half the "dancers" behind me watching Debi Thomas and Katernia Witt in the "Battle of the Carmens" vying to medal!  (BTW - Thomas won bronze and Witt gold.  I will never forget!)

Anyway - in 2010, I really wanted that skating JOY during the Olympics and even though my girl was skating, no matter how many times I yelled out, "Brooke!  Skating's on!!  Come watch!". NOTHIN'. Such skating disJOY disinterest took the wind outta my skating sails.

This year??  "Mom!!!  Hurry!  Skating's ON!   Ashley's on!  Jason's on!". Or my personal fav - "Your Russian is ON!  Evgeny Plushenko is on!!  Hurry!". 

Can you FEEL my PULSATING JOYJOYJOY???  Seriously, you have NO idea.  I feel like I have waited forever to hear those sweet words.  

Which as an aside hope I haven't bored you to death yet - Do you have any idea how much JOY I have because my daughter IS a skater??  I have dreamed my whole adult life about my daughter skating.  I dreamed my whole child life about ME becoming a skater!  And I did pursue that dream in my 30s I was horrible!   Just horrible!  LOL but of course life got in the way.  

So while it is sooooo JOYful to watch her skate everyday and be a part of Team Brooke, it's HER passion for skating that sends me.  I catch JOY every single minute she is on the ice and trust me - THAT'S alot of minutes.  Precisely?  At least 600 minutes a week or more.  (That would be more than 10 hours in real time...) and lest we forget the mostly JOYful rides to and fro.  Another 10 hours!  Dat's a lotta JOY!  I'm so lucky and very GRATEFUL!

Ok so let's get back to the point of this post and Daisy Mae.  

Her last walk of the night, last night.  Now you might suggest - why don't you just get one of those electric fence thingies that people install and then Miss Daisy can just be let out to run?  Not happenin'.  We live on a very busy state road and having experienced one "escape" on that road when Daisy Mae was a puppy, the thought of just one "mishap" running thru that "fence" - paralyzes me.  The other thing I am not interested in adding to my life? 

No.Thank.You.

ANYWAY - jeez I am taking a long time to get to the teeny, tiny JOY point of this blog post.  I KNOW you are dying of curiosity.

So, I harness her up and don't bother to get a jacket over my pjs, walk out the door and take her to the one snowless spot in the damn yard which is under a blue spruce.  

The last thing I need at 11 o'clock at night, is to spend 5 hours being led around the snowy yard while she is poking and sniffing around the snow looking for the perfect damn pee spot.  Did I mention the yard is snowy?  And cold?  And DARK?

So I'm standing there and I look up.

Can you see it?  Can you see it??  Can you SEE it???

Isn't it great??  LOL.  It's like a Christmas ornament hanging off the tree!!  Aren't you excited??  I knowwwww - right?  (hahahahaha)  

I caught JOY peeing the dog on a freezing cold night.  Well what do you know about THAT...  

VACATION JOY...SUCKERS - THAT IS.

What a JOY sucker vacations can be.  

WHATTT????

Welllll - not really...LOL - but TRAVELING on vacation in the airline system?  Now THAT is a JOY sucker!!!  Without boring the crap out of you, let's just say, it sucked up some of the vacation JOY like a vacuum cleaner - for sure.  



                                                                                                                                             

It will take a bit to block out the - getting home hell - and recall the sunny, lay on my lounge chair for 4 days and read JOY.  I know I can recover it - but for now?  I need to focus on a different JOY.

It's called HOME.  It's called kid hugs, my bed, my quiet early mornings, my silent New England snowfalls, my awesome understanding clients, my supportive and amazing friends, my 

Daisy Mae, my kitties (ok maybe my kitties), my fleece sheets, my fireplace and wood stove, my awesome Nezzie (the three little pigs "roommate" this week - lol), my FANTASTIC travel agent, Nancy...Yea -  I'm thinking that's what vacations are really for.  They give you JOY in their own way and then they send you home renewed and JOYful to re-appreciate (is that even a word?) your real life.  

Perhaps not everyone experiences this.  And perhaps the almost horror of being stuck 1000 miles from home in a Georgia airport for several days contributes to the 
feeling this morning...but who cares?  

It's my reality and I'm catching JOY.  Isn't THAT what matters?

Here's a little vacation JOY reminder.  It's starting to come back...

Ahhh yes - now I remember...

Have I ever seen one of these in real life?  I don't think so.  So deprived!

This is the view from the treadmills I never went near!  My husband on the other hand - worked out every day.  I'm such a role model!  LOL!

Vacation JOY is starting to come back...

Happy 25th!

What's a vacation album without a selfie?  I wasn't really that burned.  I need to photoshop my real tan.  WTH!

Absolutely the JOY that took me through airline HELL!!!  Don't miss this gem.  I LOVED it!

So see?  All it took was a bit of blog posting to re-experience the vacation JOY process.

BUT the moral of the story is...

I AM GRATEFUL FOR HOME-JOY 

AND

  

It's CRACK, I Say!

This morning I was up at 6am readying myself to coach both a 7am strength class and an 8am SPIN class.  

There was unusual commotion in the homestead because my middle son had an all day wrestling tournament and the "men" in the family were all heading there early.  So me and the boys were all on the run.

I finished up my classes, jumped in the shower and thought about what I wanted to do today.  The day stretched out in front of me with no obligations (and no menfolk) and I instantly knew.  My daughter has been earning and saving quite a bit of $$$ this past month or so.  I'm sure she'd love to spend some of that cashola...

Mom - "Broooooookeeeeee"
Brooke - "what?"
Mom - "Wanna go...SHOPPING?"

Well...do I need to tell you the JOY that spread across that girl's face???  When did my 11 - 3 weeks away from 12 - year old daughter become drunk on shopping?????  LITERALLY - she was GIDDY and JOYful and a bit TIPSY at the thought of going shopping!!!

Who ARE you and what did you do with my baby???

I HATE shopping!!  

I first experienced this sight about 18 months ago.  I suggested going to the mall for some back to school shopping.  I witnessed my, then 10 year old, go into a glazed, giddy euphoria as we walked from the car to the mall.  I was actually looking at a stranger.  This kid LOVES to shop!!  It's not like I am a shopper and she has been following me around malls all her life.  Grocery store - maybe - but certainly not the MALL.

But then I recalled.  Her girlfriend's mother LOVES to shop.  And Brooke went once or twice with them to the mall.  THIS is how she discovered crack shopping.

So off we went.  It was a raw, damp, drizzly day and we stopped for breakfast and then headed out to a mall.  Now - as I said - I'm not a shopper but I stopped in a few stores looking for boots and bored the hell out of her.  I quickly realized the stores I wanted to go in were NOT the stores she wanted to go in.  

So I let her lead the way.  J. Crew - nope.  Justice - nope.  Old Navy - now we're starting to find a few things.  Ok - so we pick out some goodies and I say, "Ok - so you have $80..."

WHATTTTTTTTTTTT??????   
What whattttt?
I have to use MY $$$$$?????

Seriously????  You never saw clothes get thrown back on the racks so fast.  WTHHHHHHH???????  Now I'm like - am I being a bad mom cuz I expect her to pay for these????  

Mom - "Grrrrrr -  all righttttttt, pick out a few things..."

So we walk out and she's all excited...TO HOLD THE BAGS!   

What?  She never wants to carry anything.  

Welllll - who KNEW???

Mom - "YOU want to carry the BAGS???"
Brooke - "I LOVE to carry all the bags.  I feel so all shoppy and happy carrying all the bags.  It's so cool to carry a bunch of bags."

HOW SHE THOUGHT SHE LOOKED.

Seriously - this was HER!!!!  You want to talk about catching JOY??

HOW SHE REALLY LOOKED!

Crack, I say!  It's CRACK!

Next stop, Rue 21.  What the heck is Rue 21??? Well - "just the best store I've ever been innnnn"  to quote an 11 year old.

In all honesty?  There were alot of "good stuff cheap".  So she has an armload and I'm like - ummm, I'm not buying all THAT!

Enter sad face.

Mom - "Okkkkkk - let me see what this would come to."

Sigh... 

Mom - "I'm only paying for half.  You need to cough up the other half."

Now we're talking.  

Big.JOYful.smile.Done.deal.





The moral of the story?  Close the deal RIGHT after:  "Wanna go...SHOPPING?"

And the happy, giddy, girl?

So happy and giddy and JOY filled all the way home - how does Mom NOT catch JOY?

WANT WHAT YOU HAVE

It's all relative - ya know?

I mean - get this...yesterday I was literally GIDDY with JOY for finally getting through the Connecticut healthcare insurance website (that would be through the Affordable Care Act - for those of you who haven't explored it yet.  AKA "The Exchange") and was able to get an AMAZING healthcare plan for my family.  

As a double entrepreneur income family, it has been very financially difficult to get good health insurance.  This has been especially hard to swallow because when we were emploYEES, we had the best of the best plans.  As soon as we opened our own businesses we were saddled with pre-existing condition clauses and extremely high premiums if we wanted the same type of policies.  Or even a lower bells and whistle policy. 

But it's all relative.  We ended up with basically a catastrophic, Major Medical type plan for the past 9 years.  It was affordable but literally paid for nothing before hitting the $10,000 deductible.  Did we put out as much or more than if we paid for that $1500-1800/mth policy with all the bells and whistles?  No.  But medical bills were still a burden.  3 kids, a hernia surgery, bad knees, bad shoulders, mammograms, dentists, gyns - it adds up!!!!

JOYfully, we are now the proud owners of a policy that consists of $35-$45 co-pays for almost everything (and NO co-pays for our children) with the deductible of $2500 waived except when hospitalized.  AND - this is the ICING ON THE JOY CAKE - for less $$$$ than we have been paying for that crappy-a** policy we have had for 9 years.  Imagine...a healthcare policy bringing JOY...

BTW - for the record -  one would think - yea, their subsidy is HUGE because they must be at the poverty level.  

Not even close.  Not even less, less close.  Not even less, less, LESS close.  I was SHOCKED by our subsidy.  And my point is this.  Before you go complaining about the Affordable Care Act, you need to do your legwork.  And if you are complaining because you make so much $$$$$ that you didn't get a subsidy? LOL - REALLY?  Paleeze.  OBVIOUSLY - it IS all RELATIVE.  The policy I obtained for our family - without the subsidy - was an expensive policy.  I will give you that.  But it STILL was less expensive than what we would have been paying for this same policy before January 1st.  

I know - I know - people are b*tching about their policy benefits going down and the price going up.  Or their policy being canceled.  It's all relative, I understand.  But you know what?  Our family has survived on less and paid more - and not just for health insurance. 

It's like incessantly complaining about your daily aches and pains and debt and lack thereof in any arena, when people you know and love as well as those you don't, are battling cancer or other health hardships, losing loved ones, living on the street etc. etc. etc.  They surely would trade places with you.  But then again - it's all relative...

At any rate - this brings me to the real point of this blog post.

Want what you have.  WANT WHAT YOU HAVE!!!

Our family has made so many sacrifices in the past few years, most in the name of being there for our children, as they grow through to adulthood.   We could be the well-off family with two full-time working parents who can't get to their kids games, struggle to get them home from practices or leave them in after-school for un-godly hours because they are on the road to work in the morning at 7:00am and not home until almost 7pm.  We could have.  Lord knows - We WERE!  

But we made the choice and we live with the choice.  And we complain about it sometimes, and we feel cheated sometimes and we had LOUSY insurance!!!!!  But we want what we have and we deal with the hardships and we love our new healthcare policy and it's all relative.  We are HAPPY with what we have!

A Facebook friend recently posted this and you should give it food for thought:

"Do not spoil what you now have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for"

Greek philosopher Epicurus

Does this apply to all we have?  No - I suppose not.  Certainly if I were ill - I wouldn't feel this way.  But seriously - for the most part -  it rings true.  I hoped for a fabulous husband and I hoped for children and I hoped to own my own home and I hoped to drive a mini-van my Saab (little joke - I actually did want a mini van...LOL.  Kinda done with that want...) and I hoped to own a gym and I hoped to be the type of person who worked out regularly and ate well and had amazing friends and made time to read great books and got a college degree and loved her children.  

I have all of this and more.  

And I also have a child with special needs and a fat mortgage and business debt and a pinched nerve 

and a mini-van (smiling?)...but I have good health insurance!!!  

And I want what I have and what I want may change and then I will change what I have and I will change what I don't want and then I will want what I have.  It's all relative.

The point is - take JOY in the now - in what you have.  Surely, much of it was what you brought to your life - what you hoped for.  Now.want.it!  There is JOY to catch, my friends!  Now go and catch it!!! 

I mean - SERIOUSLY?  A health insurance policy???

Yea - a health insurance policy.  Cuz...It's ALL relative, ya know? 

JOY JOY!

That Auld Lang Syne

The good ole days.  Times long past. 

Ahhhh -remember the good ole days?

 Literally?  "Old long since".  Yes - Auld Lang Syne.

The traditional - ringing in the New Year song.  Interesting - for isn't "the good ole days",  really days filled with remembered JOY?  Hmmmm - now are you "catching" on?  Uhuh...

So the New Year is upon us.  Your resolutions are swimming in your head - losing weight, saving money, getting out of debt, working out, stop swearing - I hear ya!  I have a few myself that are swimming but haven't hit shore, quite yet.  Although ONE better hurry up!  I need to lose some weight before boarding that plane to Punta Cana!!!  In 29 days...AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

But all kidding aside - truly, there is one resolution that is so easy.  

CATCH JOY.  

Go inside.  

Catch it once a day, twice a day, several times a day - just catch it. Wayyyyy easier than that diet!  Just look around for it.  It could be that beautiful red cardinal on a snowy branch.  It could be a smile on a stranger's face at the grocery store.  It could be a perfect eating day.  It could be your pet snuggling it's warm body up against yours hogging the corn bag.  Catch it, record it and move on.  

Because the diet and the gym and the bank account will all blend together.  The bad will pass.  The sad will fade.  But when you string your JOY moments together...now THAT's living.

I have a friend Sarah who posted this on Facebook this morning and I have thought about it all day.  I hope she doesn't mind...

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond. - Rumi  (a fav!)

Catch JOY through good and bad.  And remember - above all - good always wins. 

Embrace those you love.  Be grateful for the privilege of being alive.  It is your gift.  Accept it with JOY.  Move with the music, not through it.  You are making your Auld Lang Syne... 

Best wishes for an amazing and JOY filled 2014.

  

 

The Joy of Un-BLOCKING

Boy, am I blocked. 

I seriously want to start blogging again.  I really do!  I catch the most JOY when I'm blogging.  I believe because it makes me live in the present more, which = more JOY caught.  So I opened up a blank post page...and I sat.  And I sat.  And I SAT.  Why can't I think of anything to write???  You know what this tells me?  I need to blog - MORE.

It is the week of/after Christmas.  My goal has been to curl up on my couch in front of my roaring fire...

with my blanket and my i-pad and my phone and my remotes - eeek!  Those are all tech CRAP!  I can't unplug!  Is it a serious problem?  What does this mean???  I CAN'T UNPLUG??????

Nope - I can't.  But you know what?  I'm ok with that - actually.  I've had a great week here in my nest.  I've watched a bunch of movies.  Family JOY.  AND, I am LOVING - catching much JOY, in fact - getting up to date on Grey's Anatomy!  I had 3 seasons to watch and I am in the middle of last season and still have that and the current season to look forward to.  Yep - JOY!  Don't get me wrong - it's a struggle to get to my nest!  Always so much to do before I can allow myself to be still.  But I did it.  And I will continue to do it until life resumes again - somewhere after JANUARY 1st?

Sadly - I have readers block as well as writers block.  I haven't finished a book in AGES.  Maybe even 4 months.  THAT is not me.  But as I look back - I have been book blocked many times in the past 14 years and have always gotten back to it and chewed through - often - a book a week. (See Book Read sidebar to your right!) 

In 2013 I read 41 books.  Not bad considering I haven't read anything since possibly September or October.  I DO see how tv gets in the way.  My guess is that I haven't read a book since catching up on Private Practice and Greys Anatomy.  I trace this back to - GETTING AN I-PAD?!  

What EVER.  I'll get back to my books at some future date - no worries.  Because I know you are concerned.  tee hee.

At any rate - 2013 was a good year.  A JOYous year, in fact.  It was not without it's problems (hello????  3 little pigs???), but there were major JOYlights.  

The biggest and best are tied.  I reconciled with some precious elementary school friends AND a few months later, 2 college roomies.  BOTH of those visits go down on the "highlights of my life" list.  Hands down. 

There were many more JOYlights this year for sure.  

My middle child slowly starting to change his behavior for the good (thanks to wrestling and his amazing coach). 

Watching my oldest learn to surf. 

Falling in love 

over and over again with my youngest as she rehabbed her way back to the ice after a 5 month injury(ies) pause and came back stronger than ever.  (ummm - thanks to strength coach Mom's persistence?  Perhaps?  JOYJOY...just sayin') 

Celebrating 25 years of marriage with the best man I know.  

Watching my business continue to thrive with both new and repeat clients who I appreciate and adore.

Spending precious time with my 83 year old Uncle AL.

Clamming for the first time in YEARS with precious friends and family.

The list is longer but I think you get the picture.  There are daily JOYS to catch (and release) and then the bigger ones that stay with you - perhaps for life.  They are both important when you are really trying to live a life filled with JOY.  It's never that one continuous "and they lived JOYOUSLY ever after".  But certainly it is the key to a better life.  I know this much is true.

With that in mind - I challenge YOU - to catch more JOY on a daily basis.  Even if you can pick out only one JOY moment to catch each day - I predict your life will be more JOYful.  

JOY moment = JOY life.  Try it and see... 

'NOUGH SAID!

More on this JOY filled weekend later!