Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ode to Joy - NOT...



I set a goal for myself this weekend and I worked my ass butt off to accomplish it.  This has not been an easy time as of late here at the Pleasure Dome in the Emerald City.  We have 2 boys playing baseball in different levels, a daughter who skates 2-4 hours a week over 30 miles away, 2 kids participating in the community theater production of The Wizard of Oz, 2 of us running 3 businesses and the school system has the NERVE to close for 2 months.  (What ARE they thinking????)  Worst of all, my beloved father-in-law is very, very ill and has been hospitalized for almost 5 weeks at a hospital 25 miles from our home.

Anyway - back to my goal.  We live in a very nice home on a pretty piece of property set out in the country.  Unfortunately, we have no garage and no attic.  Therefore, storage is at a premium and trying to keep the property de-cluttered feels impossible.  Winter particularly presents a problem because for some reason, our screened in back porch - while clean and beautiful in the summer - becomes our junk room in the winter.  So every spring, I find myself spending at least a day cleaning, running to the dump with load after load of crap and vowing to NOT let this porch become the landfill for the Pleasure Dome next winter.

This winter was a particularly bad one because not only did we have at least 3 feet of snow on the ground almost the whole winter, but apparently where the "wild things" were, WERE squatting on our back porch.  And I mean literally - if you catch my drift.  In addition, our hateful lovable 2 cats - who are not allowed outside due to the proximity of death row the main road that runs through the Emerald City - begged to spend time out there every day this winter as their compromise for not going outside.

When I started ripping apart the porch on Saturday, I found major destruction.  I begged my little brother to come with his truck and help me haul off a nightmare of CRAP to our lovely dump transfer station.  A love seat was shredded (thank you wild things) and was loaded on the truck, along with an organ (that I have hated ever since it arrived several years ago from a sweet, generous uncle) that finally left for it's new home at the DUMP.  2 loads later, I finally had my work cut out for me.

What I didn't know at the time was how much more destruction I would find as I cleaned, scrubbed, and vacuumed my way through the porch.  Long story short, I literally loaded at least 5, 50 gallon drum garbage bags full of destroyed cushions, dirt, ruined throw pillows, unrecoverable blankets - it was so depressing.  And my brother had already been gone 8 hours ago as I filled the last garbage bag.  And there they were like soldiers, all lined up outside the porch looking at the beautiful in-ground pool that was STILL not cleaned and opened because my husband has been completely preoccupied with his father and running back and forth to the hospital.  Did I tell you it is a 50 mile round trip?  Are you sensing the JOY yet??

AND, AND - the DUMP was not open again until Tuesday.

But - I made the best of it.  I hauled 8 plastic tubs filled with 10 years of files from 3 businesses - out of the porch and down to our lower landfill basement.  (Apparently, the porch is where they landed when we cleaned the office/den back in November.  Sigh.)  I then went to bed and went back at it the next day.  Finally - Sunday night, my summer porch was pretty much "back".  And perhaps my neighbors will elevate us from the ranks of white trash to...


BUT - I still had all those soldiers waiting to go to the dump as well as another couch I discovered to be unusable during my porch cleaning adventure.  So Tuesday finally rolls around and little brother is working and unable to help me.  So I make the dreaded call to my father to borrow his truck.  (I just LOVE living in the country...)  Now, depending on my father's mood, I may or may not get to borrow that truck.  Luckily, it was a good "Fred" day.  SO little ole me, once again, hauled that couch and all those soldiers and any other thing I could find on my property that could be construed as garbage onto that little truck and off to the dump I went.  Then I came home and did it AGAIN!  This was truly an embarassing, living nightmare.

And THEN -  it was over.  EVERYTHING was in order inside and out at the Pleasure Dome.  4th of July weekend was a comin' and I had accomplished my goal.  JOY, JOY, JOY for about 20 seconds...

I'm standing in my kitchen, reveling in my joy of order and de-clutter, and what do my wondering ears should I hear?  CRASH!   %#$@*&^@(#&#&*

Can you say "Dennis the Menace"?



  1. Eh, What's life without a little kaos.

    Enjoy the porch with a glass of whine tonight. I mean wine.

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