Friday, March 12, 2010

Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex

I was fooling around in facebook one day and my niece had a quiz posted that I decided to take. One of the questions was "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Ok so aren't I just so funny?!! I answered: Puberty!! No? Don't get it? Well get this - in just a few years, I will have 3 kids in the throes of it - pretty much all at once! God help me...

Speaking of sex - I'm laying in bed last night using my laptop to catch up on last week's Private Practice. Just so you know, I literally only watch 3 tv shows - Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice and Friday Night Lights (which, oh btw, starts up again on April 30th!!! Love that show!). So in the middle of PP, my 10 year old son jumps into bed with me and is hanging out but kind of watching the show. Do you have ANY idea how many times they said the word "sex"????? I was squirming big time! I kept peeking at him out of the corner of my eye to see if he was indeed watching (which he seemed to be) and just cringing, waiting for the sex question. Now the good mother would have just turned off the show. Operative word being "good"?

Thankfully the question never came but I had my answer all set, "Honey - why don't you go ask Daddy?" Haaaa!!!! Shhh - don't tell Bob I said that!!! But if that wasn't bad enough, I then turned on Grey's Anatomy and don't you know it! Sex, sex, sex, sex, SEX...jeez! Thank goodness, his father came home and distracted him!!! Do you think he knows about sex? Am I naive? Because I honestly don't think he has a clue yet. I mean, my baby still believes in Santa Claus!!!

Speaking of sex (again - teehee), I was training a group of women in the gym this morning and if you are one of my clients you know that ALOT of conversation takes place in that hour. Well, one of my clients starts telling this story.

Her son is in his freshman year at college and the other day he butt-called home. (I call it pocket call - you know, when your cell phone dials a number while residing in your pocket and you don't know it!?) So anyway - she realizes it's a butt call and she puts it on speaker and she and her husband listen in on the conversation.

He's in his dorm room talking to his roommates and they're discussing what they are doing this week - going bowling, pizza, whatever and then her son says, "well I can't go Thursday night. That's KY night." (OMGODDDDDDDD!) Can you IMAGINE??!!! You should have seen my face! The intake of breath!

My client then explained that her son has a girlfriend and he has informed her they are sexually active, blah, blah blah - the make sure you use protection talk, blah, blah, blah. Of course, I'm just dying listening to all this - you know, putting myself in that future situation as a mother!

So I guess the conversation continues and at one point the son says he has to "take a piss" and mom and dad are now listening to their son peeing in the bathroom. How funny is THIS??!! I am just beside myself laughing. But this is the clincher. She TEXTS HIM after he leaves the bathroom (not flushing the toilet - mind you!) and she writes: "Pauly - you go back in there and wash your hands right now! And - make sure you use a CONDOM!!!" Are you cracking UP or WHAT???!!!!!

I definitely caught some joy this morning!

PS - you know why he didn't flush the toilet? Because the boys like to see how long it takes to fill the bowl...good god - BOYS!!!!!


  1. KY NIGHT??? LOLOLOLOLOLLL>... and OMG, that text is PRICELESS!!!! and totally gross, filling the bowl. GAG.

  2. Is this what Sam and Michael AND Anthony will be doing??? OMG, can you see me with Gillian at this better send me away somewhere...FAR AWAY!!!!!